Emotional Intimacy: Does My New Relationship Have Enough Intimacy? + FREE 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy Blueprint
The early stages of a new relationship are exciting. You might spend every chance you can get with your new partner, plan fun date nights together, and talk or text almost constantly.
But sooner or later, questions start to pop into your head.
For example, you recognize that you and your partner always have a good time together. But you wonder whether your relationship has what it takes to go the distance.
In particular, you notice that you’re spending a lot of time thinking…
- “Is there enough intimacy in our relationship?”
- “Will we be able to form a strong emotional bond with each other?”
- “Are we meant to be?”
If you’re in a newer relationship and these types of questions have been popping into your head lately, know that you’re not alone.
It’s completely normal to wonder whether the person you’ve been having fun with over the last few weeks or months is truly the right partner for you. In fact, I would even argue that it’s healthy to have these kinds of questions because it means that you’re choosing a relationship or partner that aligns with your authentic self instead of pursuing a relationship just for the sake of being partnered up.
Plus, relationships require time and energy. So if you’re in a relationship that isn’t right for you, it could be holding you back from meeting the right person and from reaching your full potential in other areas of your life.
So if you’re wondering whether your relationship has enough intimacy or eventually will, you’re asking exactly the types of questions that make sense to ask yourself.
Take comfort in that!
At the same time, though, you’re probably looking for actual answers to these questions. How much intimacy should your relationship have at this point? And if you and your partner haven’t formed an intimate bond yet, is it a problem? Does it mean your relationship isn’t meant to last?
Well, you’re in luck! Because these are exactly the types of questions that I’ll be tackling in this post. Keep reading below to learn whether your new relationship has enough intimacy.
When should you feel intimacy with a new partner?
Movies and romance novels love to promote the idea that couples can experience love at first sight.
But the truth is that an intimate relationship takes time to develop.
That’s because emotional intimacy involves truly being seen by your partner and truly seeing them in return. And this just isn’t something that happens overnight.
After all, sharing the deepest facets of who you are and getting to know who your partner is at their core takes time. It’s a gradual process that requires the two of you to establish a deep level of trust, be vulnerable with one another, and understand what makes each of you who you are.
This is a process that you just can’t rush no matter how well you know yourself at the beginning of your relationship and how comfortable you and your partner feel around each other.
So if you’re in a new relationship, it’s important to work with your partner on getting to know each other. However, it’s just as important to be patient. If patience isn’t your strong suit or you want to know right away whether your relationship will last or not, this might not be what you want to hear. But do your best to trust the process and enjoy the journey of getting to know a new person (while sharing who you are too!).
Unfortunately, I also can’t definitively tell you when you can expect intimacy to develop in your relationship. If you’re in a healthy relationship that’s right for you and your partner and both of you are putting in the effort to build a strong bond, you’ll probably only get closer and more intimate over time. But there’s no universal timeline on when intimacy develops in a new relationship.
Every relationship develops intimacy at its own pace—and that’s totally okay. So don’t get discouraged if you and your friend started dating new people around the same time and their relationship seems more intimate than yours right now. You and your partner might just be moving at a different pace. There’s nothing wrong with that!
What if there’s no intimacy in my relationship yet?
If you’ve been with your partner for a few months and still haven’t felt a deep emotional connection yet, you might be starting to panic. You might be wondering if your relationship just needs more time to develop or if it has plateaued and is destined to remain where it is. And you might worry about whether you’re wasting time on a relationship that won’t last and missing opportunities to find the person who is your soulmate.
If this sounds familiar, I can tell you that you’re definitely not alone. I have clients come into my office all the time and start analyzing every aspect of their new relationship, fearing that the bond they have with their partner isn’t strong enough.
What do I tell them? To take a deep breath.
Yes, I’m being 100% serious about that.
You see, even if you’re months into a new relationship and don’t feel a deep emotional bond with your partner, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail. It just means that you might need to have a chat with your partner about where your relationship is at and what you both hope to get out of it.
Having a conversation with your partner about your bond can be especially helpful if you feel that you’re putting more effort into developing the relationship than your partner is. For example, maybe you routinely open up to your partner about what you’ve been thinking and feeling lately, but your partner doesn’t do the same. Or maybe you turn to your partner for support when you’re feeling anxious or upset about something, but your partner prefers to talk to someone else when they’re dealing with something stressful.
If your partner isn’t opening up or sharing themselves with you as much as you are with them, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or care about the relationship. And it isn’t an automatic sign that the two of you are incompatible.
But it is important to talk to them about what’s holding them back. After all, building intimacy in a relationship requires both partners to openly and honestly share their truth with each other. If one of you isn’t doing this, it limits the intimacy that can develop between the two of you.
When you talk to your partner about your relationship, you might discover that they have a hard time expressing themselves and opening up for some reason. For instance, maybe they grew up in a family where expressing their thoughts or feelings was discouraged. Or perhaps they were hurt by a previous partner and have built walls around them to protect themselves ever since.
If your partner has trouble opening up to you, keep opening up and sharing your truth with them. It’ll help them get to know you. And it’ll model vulnerability while showing them that you trust THEM.
Of course, eventually, it’ll be important for both of you to be opening up and sharing yourselves to a similar extent. It doesn’t feel good to be in a relationship where it seems like you’re putting in all the effort and your partner isn’t reciprocating. In fact, it can be downright lonely and incredibly dissatisfying. So be patient with your partner and give them time to feel comfortable with opening up. But also don’t feel that you need to stick around forever if you’ve given them plenty of time but they’re still not making much of an effort to build an emotional connection with you.
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3 TIPS FOR BUILDING INTIMACY IN NEW RELATIONSHIPS
As I’ve mentioned above, building intimacy in a relationship takes effort. It’s not something that just magically develops between two people if you wait long enough.
So what should you do if you’re craving a deeper connection in your new relationship?
Use these 3 tips:
- Be Vulnerable
It might sound like a cliché. But one of the best ways to build a deep emotional connection with your partner is to be vulnerable and share who you truly are with them. This doesn’t mean complaining to your partner about your commute every day or telling them about the latest gossip at your workplace. Instead, it’s about helping them get to know the deepest parts of you.
Here are some ideas for things you can share with your partner:
- your strongest passions
- your biggest hopes and dreams
- your deepest fears
- your best and worst memories
- your strongest regret
- your most satisfying success
- Listen to Your Partner
I just told you that developing intimacy comes from taking a leap of faith and opening up to your partner to share the deepest aspects of yourself. But it’s just as important to listen when your partner does the same.
By actively listening when your partner opens up, you’ll actually hear what they’re communicating to you. This will increase the chances that when they share a stressor they’re currently dealing with or tell you what they hope to accomplish over the next few years, you deeply understand what they’re trying to convey to you.
Active listening also shows your partner that you care about them enough to put your phone down, turn your attention away from the TV, and focus solely on what they’re communicating to you.
- Express Gratitude
You can also develop a more intimate bond with your partner by telling them why you appreciate having them in your life. This gives you a chance to open up about what your partner means to you and why you love them. And it helps your partner feel secure and loved in the relationship.
When expressing gratitude, be specific about what you’re grateful for. And remember that nothing about your partner or what they do is too small or insignificant to appreciate. So feel free to simply tell your partner that you love when they pack a lunch for you in the morning or put the laundry in the wash so you don’t have to do it.
In a new relationship, be patient with intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of a healthy romantic relationship. But you don’t need to have a deep emotional bond with your partner right off the bat. In fact, it’s unlikely that you will because true intimacy takes time to develop.
To develop intimacy with your new partner, focus on opening up to your partner about the things that truly matter to you. And be ready and willing to listen when your partner does the same.
If you’re looking for more tips on nurturing your connection with your new partner, check out the FREE blueprint I’ve created called 7 Days of Intentional Intimacy.
It’ll help you weave simple acts of intimacy into your everyday life so that you can build a relationship with your partner that’s based on a deep emotional connection.
And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and master classes.
See you again soon!
Vera
P.S. What’s one of the most important things to do when you’re building a relationship with someone? Turn toward them. Watch my video on what it means to turn toward your partner and why it’s ESSENTIAL for building a deep emotional connection that lasts. Check it out right here.
P.P.S. Have questions for Vera? Feel free to write your comments or questions below or for more privacy, email her at [email protected].
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