LOVE, LOVE & MORE LOVE: 3 Ways to Embrace Love This Valentine’s Day—Even If You’re Single + FREE Self-Love Weekly Planner

If you’re happily married or partnered up, you might be looking forward to Valentine’s Day as a chance to celebrate your relationship, eat some decadent chocolate, and enjoy a romantic evening with your love.

But if you’re single, widowed, divorced, or struggling to feel happy in your relationship, you might be dreading it. In fact, you might even be wishing that you could somehow find a time machine that would let you jump straight from February 13 to February 15.

If this is you, I want you to know that I TOTALLY get it.

Because when I got divorced many years ago, I was full of dread leading up to that first Valentine’s Day without my former husband. I was convinced that it was going to be a challenging day full of pain, loneliness, and endless tears.

So if this is how you’re expecting to feel this Valentine’s Day, I want you to know that I’ve been there.

I also want you to know that how you’re feeling is completely normal.

After all, most of us are used to thinking of Valentine’s Day as a holiday for couples who are madly in love. So if you don’t have a partner or if your relationship is going through a rough patch, the very idea of Valentine’s Day can trigger feelings of emptiness, loneliness, grief, and sadness.

But you know what?

My first Valentine’s Day after my divorce wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, it started with the grief and pain most people feel when they lose a relationship. But it ended up turning into a beautiful day that I was able to fully embrace and truly enjoy.

And you know what? In this blog post, I’m going to share how YOU can go from dreading Valentine’s Day to turning it into a day that’s full of joy and love—even if you’re single or going through a tough time in your relationship.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. So let’s get right to it!

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1.  Embrace self-love

As I mentioned earlier in this post, my first Valentine’s Day after my divorce started in tears but ended with joy.

How did this happen?

It wasn’t because I completely forgot about my divorce or had a new partner to celebrate the day with. Instead, it was because a shift happened within me that allowed me to honor myself, acknowledge myself, and begin to love myself again.

In other words, I was able to open my heart to self-love.

Now, I’m sure you know what love is (even if you haven’t experienced romantic love). But you might be thinking, “Self-love? What is that???”

If that question ran through your mind, don’t feel silly or embarrassed. Because the truth is that a lot of people don’t know what self-love actually is.

After all, we’re taught all about love for other people—whether it’s our parents, family members, friends, or romantic partner—from a very early age. But most of us never learned about self-love. So let’s demystify self-love and talk about what it is.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for ourselves that grows from our actions and supports our physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s about intentionally making choices and decisions on a daily basis that allow you to respect, nurture, and care for yourself.

If that sounds a bit too abstract, think of it this way: Self-love is treating yourself the way you would treat a close friend whom you care about very much. Just as you would celebrate your friend’s successes with them, comfort them when they’re upset, or tell them that you care about them, you celebrate your own successes, comfort yourself when you’re upset, and express and show care toward yourself.

And you know what? Many of the things that you might be looking for in a fulfilling romantic relationship are the very things you experience when you practice self-love. Specifically, research shows that people who practice self-love are…

• happier
• more satisfied with life
• better able to manage stress
• less depressed and anxious
• more resilient
• able to overcome difficult life events more easily

Plus, when you have a strong, loving relationship with YOURSELF, you’re more likely to enjoy strong, loving relationships with other people. In fact, it’s virtually impossible to have healthy relationships with others if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself first. So even if finding a romantic partner or strengthening your existing romantic relationship is your big goal for the year, practicing self-love will benefit you.

So how can you embrace self-love this Valentine’s Day?

By doing anything that allows you to respect, honor, celebrate, or care for yourself.

When I was sitting in quiet reflection on Valentine’s Day all those years ago and really feeling the pain of my divorce, a subtle voice within me reminded me that I could choose to love myself and celebrate myself; I didn’t need a partner or anyone else to create that love or happiness for me.

It also reminded me that my relationship had gotten to the point where it was creating nothing by helplessness, instability, sorrow, and chaos within me. So leaving the relationship wasn’t an act of shutting the door to love and happiness in my life. On the contrary, it was a way for me to create space in my life for joy and love again.

And so on that Valentine’s Day, I decided to give myself space to feel the pain and grief I was feeling and then to treat myself to the love I deserved.

I love nourishing my body (and my taste buds, of course), with delicious food. So for me, treating myself meant making myself a special meal. But you can practice self-love this Valentine’s Day by doing anything that brings you joy and allows you to celebrate yourself.

For example you might…

• order takeout from your favorite restaurant
• enjoy a box of your favorite treats all to yourself
• make your own grazing board and pair it with a nice glass of wine
• watch your favorite movie
• do an activity you love
• take a bath and listen to your favorite music

Remember that the beauty of taking time to celebrate yourself on Valentine’s Day means that you get to celebrate the day in whatever way YOU want to. So if you want to sit around in your PJs while eating ice cream and bingeing your favorite guilty pleasure, that’s what you can do!

2.  Cherish other relationships

The commercial narrative of Valentine’s Day is that we’re all supposed to have a partner whom we’re madly in love with to celebrate the day with. So if you’re not in a relationship or feeling unhappy in an existing relationship, Valentine’s Day makes it really easy to focus only on what you don’t have—a romantic relationship that fills your heart with joy. And it can make you lose sight of the love you do have in your life, including the joyful relationships you have with other people.

That’s why another powerful way to reclaim love and joy on Valentine’s Day is to practice gratitude for the fulfilling relationships in your life.

When you practice gratitude, you express appreciation, either directly to someone or simply in your heart, for the people or things in your life that you’re grateful for. In the context of relationships, this means expressing how grateful you are for the people who really matter to you, such as your parents, kids, siblings, extended family members, or friends.

Keep in mind that practicing gratitude isn’t about denying that you might be feeling lonely or pretending that you “don’t need a partner anyway.” Instead, it’s about shifting your focus from what you don’t currently have (a fulfilling romantic relationship) to what you do have (joyful relationships with family or friends).

Like self-love, gratitude has lots of benefits. For example, it… 

• increases well-being and life satisfaction
• improves sleep
• enhances coping skills
• reduces envy and resentment
• regulates blood pressure
• strengthens the immune system
• lowers the risk of anxiety and depression

Science even shows that practicing gratitude can increase your happiness by 25% in just 3 weeks!

Plus, practicing gratitude for other relationships actually boosts the love and joy you experience in your life because it reduces stress, encourages you to tell your loved ones that you appreciate them, and creates opportunities for you to develop deeper bonds with the people who lift you up. So if you’re looking to really feel the love this Valentine’s Day, try practicing gratitude.

One way to practice gratitude for a special relationship (or even several special relationships) this Valentine’s Day is to write a gratitude letter to a friend or family member who means a lot to you. In this letter, you tell the person what they’ve done for you and how it has affected your life. Your letter doesn’t have to be long, but it’s important to be specific about why your loved one matters to you so much.

As you write the letter, allow the gratitude, love, and joy you feel to wash over you. Really take the time to notice how it feels when you focus on the love in your life and how much it means to you.

Once you’ve written the letter, deliver it to your loved one. (Think of it like a modern Valentine’s Day card!) You can also read the letter to your loved one or have them read it aloud in front of you.

Now, I know that writing letters isn’t for everyone. So if you’d like to give gratitude a try but don’t want to write a letter, try this:

On Valentine’s Day, carve out some time to spend with yourself and find a quiet place to sit and reflect. Spend this time thinking about the people in your life whom you’re grateful for. Reflect on one person at a time and be sure to reflect in detail on why they matter to you. As you would when writing a gratitude letter, allow the gratitude, love, and joy you feel to wash over you. And notice how it feels when you focus on the person you love and why they matter to you.

3.  Bond with loved ones

It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everyone other than you is partnered up. So you might believe that if you aren’t celebrating Valentine’s Day with a partner you deeply love, you have no choice but to spend it alone or with the partner you’re in a challenging relationship with.

In reality, though, there’s probably someone else in your life who doesn’t have a partner or doesn’t have a partner who’s available to spend the entire day with them. And even people who have partners might be able to spend a portion of their day with other people (like you!). Find these people in your life and make plans to celebrate even just part of Valentine’s Day with them.

On my first Valentine’s Day after my divorce, I spent part of the day talking to my friends and family. It gave me a beautiful opportunity to connect with them and nurture my relationship with them. And I felt the joy that we all feel when we spend time with people we truly love. You can experience this same joy by connecting with the people YOU love on Valentine’s Day.

Keep in mind that you or your loved ones don’t need to commit to spending the entire day together. Your loved ones might have a partner or other obligations. And if you’re in a relationship, you might still decide to spend part of the day with your partner even if there’s tension between the two of you. So sharing even part of the day with someone you really love is great! Even just spending half an hour connecting on the phone is a fulfilling way to nurture your relationship and have some fun.

Here are some other ideas for celebrating with loved ones on Valentine’s Day: 

• go out for dinner together
• cook a meal together
• enjoy a coffee, tea, or glass of wine
• watch a movie together while snacking on your favorite treats
• go for a hike
• plan a spa date
• have a game night
• go for brunch
• take a class or lesson together

This Valentine’s Day, choose love

Valentine’s Day might seem like a holiday that’s just for happy couples. But it isn’t.

Instead, it’s for everyone. And it’s a day to celebrate all kinds of love—whether it’s self-love, the love you have for your sister, or the love you feel toward a friend.

Of course, it’s always important to give yourself space to grieve and feel the pain of loneliness or loss. But it’s also important to open your heart to joy and love.

So whether you’re single, in an unfulfilling relationship, or happily partnered up, choose love this Valentine’s Day. Remember that YOU have it in your power to create and give love to both yourself and the people you care about. And in fact, it’s by recognizing and embracing this power first that you’re able to enjoy fulfilling relationships with others.

Practicing self-love on Valentine’s Day is a wonderful way to enjoy the holiday while opening your heart to love and joy. But self-love isn’t just for holidays or special occasions. In fact, it’s by making self-love a regular habit that you’re able to live the life you want, find happiness, and build fulfilling relationships.

Of course, making time for self-love in your hectic life may not be an easy thing to do. And I can tell you that it’s something that many people struggle with.

That’s why I’ve created a FREE self-love weekly planner for you. It helps you easily incorporate simple self-love practices into your daily life so you can experience more joy and love no matter what your romantic life looks like.

And if you haven’t done so already, follow me on my Facebook page Vera Velini – The Assertive Happiness Coach. That way, you’ll be among the first to hear about new blog posts, resources, and courses.  

Until next time!

Vera

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